I just jotted down a few things I would like to improve upon in 2009. Then I made out a grocery list and a to do list for the week-end. I like lists. I adore lists. Give me a pad of paper or an Excel spreadsheet and I am in my element!
Lists give me a sense of control. I can check things off as they "get done", I can cross items out. I will organize any list by importance, date or alphabet. Deep down I have this unreal belief that if I do this then that will happen.
This is a fleeting feeling of power because life doesn't happen in the realm of ordered, planned agendas or formulas. Life just happens. We can account for events in the past or record our itinerary but these reports don't tell the living part of the story.
Reality refuses to unfold according to my plans. No formula exists to predict my tomorrow. And I am richer for it!
I can dream, wish, hope and pray. There is such delight in that. I can also fear, dread and avoid tomorrow. Either way I have no say, only expectations. Delicious!
I can make ten cakes according to a recipe and I will get ten cakes but they will all be different. My boat rocks, the path ends at a mud slide, the sole of my boot wears out.
"How will it turn out?" There is such joy in the anticipation.