quiet yourself

"It does not matter what you do. What matters is whether your soul is harmed by what you do." Albert Schweitzer

Your soul suffers if you live at the surface without diving into your depth. As soon as you notice that you are indifferent or easily irritated, feed your soul. We all need a time to focus on our inmost self.

• Find a quiet place.
• Allow your thoughts to settle.
• Listen to your own breath.
• Hear the still small voice that brings peace.
• Your soul will tell you exactly what you need.
• Rest in that place of peace.
• Take as much time as you need.

Enter life once more. Is there hope in your thoughts? Are you more gentle?

Retired!

Life has transitioned for the better for me. I am now a retired person!

I always assumed that retirement (wish there was a more appealing word) would be the ultimate vacation. And it is true that I have more time. But shifting from being on the treadmill of employment and being productive is TOUGH! To be honest I struggle still. 

Henri Nouwen put it well, “When we retire we make a passage from a life of clearly defined work to a life asking for new creativity and wisdom.” Some passages take longer than one would expect.

I had to take myself to task. First I learned that I need to be kind to myself. I expected to tackle all of those projects I had been unable to do while I “worked”. But daily life gets in the way of the best laid plans. Books are waiting to be read!

As part of my process, I decided to list the values that are important for me. Health, Family, Finances, Decluttering, Deep cleaning, Gardening…

Then I picked one value to focus on for the year… I chose my Health.

Watching other retired persons, I recognized that the ability to move free of pain; to think and function easily was of uppermost importance. One term, “to live in place” honed it even more. I want to be in control of the quality of living.

My daily routine has morphed into a rather cliché round of regular exercise, healthy food, learning, being with people I love, drinking 8 glasses of water, getting 8 hours of sleep.

Note that my retirement date of January 17, 2017 was sadly three days before the inauguration of our 45^th president. My hoped for days of being creative and imparting wisdom was high-jacked. I admit to becoming obsessed with news cycles, being exasperated, and muttering words I will not repeat here.

Future posts will reflect what I learn as I go.

                Quote from Bread for the Journey, by Henri J.M. Nouwen, ©1997

Three women in my life

To any reader, my apologies. I don't intend for my posts to be depressing because I do not see life that way. However my words take on the shades of what is happening in my life.

A month ago one of my favorite people left this world, my Aunt Gena. She was ready to join her husband Burt and all of their dogs and cats who were waiting for her. It is me that I feel sorry for. She was someone who embraced me when I arrived in Washington many years ago. She was my friend through 46 years of the ups and downs we shared. I miss her.

Three influential women in my life left this world in the last year. 

Bev, a neighbor who became a friend, taught me to stand up for women and to love life. 

My dear mom taught me to be committed and kind and to love books. 

Gena showed me what hospitality is and that it is OK to dote on kids and pets.

I am stronger, bolder and more compassionate because of three very different women.

A poem

I think

best in ink

The paper awaits

As the pen sates

I can be a fool

With my doodles

Scribble

an inner quibble

For my eyes alone

Nothing needs to be written in stone

And onto this lined layer

My story, my poem, my prayer .

swallowed by a whale

I feel like life swallowed me whole a few months ago. Thank goodness I wasn't digested bone by bone. As with Jonah in the belly of the whale, I will emerge one day and move on.
One of my laments is that I crave alone time. And I do not get enough of it. I miss the sense of space to be simple, to think, to read a book, to gather myself once more into a cocoon where I am all there is. To me time by myself is a luxury. There hasn't been much of that for a long long time.
Calling it a luxury is a relative term. I know of people who have too much time to reflect. They hunger for connections and interruptions.
So, is it all about balance? Or is it about being grateful for the plate we have in front of us?
Here's a thought...my whale is my sense of responsibility. I have to think about this some more.
How do you deal with the days you feel pulled in every direction and all you want is to have some quiet time?

Leaves, rocks, feathers

I opened one of my old journals today. A pressed leaf from last years poinsettia almost fell out. It had maintained it's size, turned from bright red to a rich burgundy and is actually much prettier than before.
I just can't resist slipping a rose petal or a fall maple leaf between two unsuspecting pages. And it is always a treat to come upon one of those treasures when I least suspect it.

My pseudo scavenging habit takes other forms. I have a tray with heart shaped rocks that I have discovered over time during walks. Most will fit into the palm of my hand. Lying there together, their complimentary colors that span gray and beige of the color wheel, pulling you over to admire and even hold one or two.

There is more than one bowl of stones in my home. Just can't resist pocketing one here and there. I stop and handle one and know that it is a good one to bring home with me.

Another joy I bring home from outdoor jaunts is feathers. Every size and color find their way into a box or a vase or used as a bookmark. Once one floated down and landed on my jacket. At another time there were two turkey feathers lying next to my car in LaConnor, WA. of all places.

For me, these gifts that appear at my feet are my reward for letting go of the everyday fuss. It actually becomes an adventure when I step out my door...who know what might be found.Once residing in my house they become reminders on gloomy days when I can't get out. I win!

My granddaughter is best at it. I was coaxing her into going for a walk with me. I finally convinced her that we were going to look for diamonds. A few blocks later I spotted a coin lying in the road. "Look, a nickel!" She wasn't interested...she was searching for diamonds, after all.

not like we thought

I was restored after spending a few hours with good friends last night. There was laughter, tears and encouraging words. I am always inspired by these courageous and compassionate women. We come from different backgrounds and experiences, yet are kindred souls. To each other we reveal the layers of our days and marvel at the unanticipated, unplanned situations we find ourselves in.

On the drive home, as I contemplated our stories, the words floated across my mind, " Life wasn't supposed to be like this".

Our hopes and dreams are like birds perched on tree limbs, ready to take flight. But wait, here comes a bigger bird! Hang on, close your eyes, and hold your breath as the shadow passes. Exhale, open you eyes to a life that has changed.

I don't know if this is true, I read somewhere that when birds sleep their claws instinctively tighten around the branch so they won't fall. I think that when we humans get tossed or threatened we grab hold with our hearts. And that alone changes us, which brings change to someone else. And so it goes.

Back to my thought from last night. We think we have it all figured out, but that is an illusion. Things don't work out the way we thought they would. So then we have to decide, flap the wings for forward living or free fall into the muck at the bottom of this tree called life.

Whatever you choose, look for the good and acknowledge it. Sometimes that is all we can do.Thank you.